Saturday, November 7, 2009

Wheelchair Jimmy Has an Achy-Breaky Heart

From wife-beaters in chairs to song-stealers in wheelchairs

Everyone's wondering how Wheelchair Jimmy can come from Degrassi and have a generally unmocked career in rap. In theory it's shocking that the "hottest" rapper (no homo) played an embarrassing role on an extremely lame show for retarded teenagers, while coming out of non other than the screwface capital. That is, until we remember that five years ago the top selling rapper DID A SONG WITH TIM MCGRAW! With a video showing off their similar lives, emotional problems and headgear (my generations answer to Ebony and Ivory). Is Aubrey really that surprising? I mean in 2009 rap is so broke nothing is off limits, even genres embarrassing to white people like techno, nerd rock, pussy rock, emo, whore pop, fake indie, more emo and JOHN MAYER are fair game. Maybe we forget the pre-50 era but we shouldn't be surprised that Drizzy can have the gayest pre-rap career moment imaginable (only worse than Game because he's still just as gay as when he was on Degrassi, then again at least he's not trying to do ganster rap). Things were changing in 2004, Outkast split solo LP's for a album that was far from rap but arguably in a good way. The lack of reaction to a rapper with one of the top 5 selling rap albums of all time resorting to dueting with the top house husband of country music should have made it very clear that rappers could get away with anything... ANYTHING! It can't be a surprise that nobody cares about Drake former career. What's surprising is that nobody cares that he's got no swag, no talent, no style, he's Egyptian-looking, awkward and is continually ridiculous in sometimes the most ironic ways. In 5 years we've gone from naked with cowboy to King Camel with fuckboy and I'm not sure which is worse.

Tim McGraw-Hill not only signaled the beginning of the end of rap, he put on Taylor Swift who just ruined a current king of rap. Please Timmy, go back to please the tastes of people with no taste and leave rap alone (sic).