Saturday, December 5, 2009

World Cup Predictions

Group A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France - France, Mexico

Group B: Argentina, South Korea, Nigeria, Greece - Argentina, Nigeria

Group C: England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia - England, Algeria

Group D: Germany, Australia, Ghana, Serbia - Serbia, Ghana

Group E: Netherlands, Japan, Cameroon, Denmark - Netherlands, Cameroon

Group F: Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia - Italy, Paraguay

Group G: Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Cost, Portugal - Brazil, Ivory Coast

Group H: Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland - Spain, Chile


Group A: The French will take this group and perhaps the whole tournament on route to capturing gold in the world handball championships in 2011. South Africa will perform so poorly Nelson Mandela will die and Uruguay will regret wasting everyone's time with their extra qualifying games to get here. The Aztec warriors will easily take 2nd place and advance.

Group B: Even with their midget, coke head coach Argentina can't stumble with the talent they got. Greece (miracles don't happen twice) and South Korea (nice pink jerseys) have no business being here and therefore the weakest team Nigeria has ever sent to the World Cup will advance.

Group C: England should have little trouble disposing of their former colony while Algeria will surprise a lot of people and go through. Slovenia will fail to score a goal and apologize to Russia for stealing their place.

Group D: Germany's only world class player is 105 in soccer years and I expect them to go home early. Australia will be feisty but this will be the coming out party for a young Serbian team drenched in talent who will challenge for the Euro and next World Cup (but will finish top 4 at best this time, izvini). They and the very entertaining team from Ghana, who will give Deutschland a Jesse Owens-esque 5-1 whooping, will advance.

Group E: Denmark (remember Peter Schmeichel? he's got a son) and Japan (cool hair) always play with heart and will make this one of the tougher groups. However, the evil Dutch are just too good and Cameroon is just too skilled not to go through.

Group F: It's still not too late for New Zealand to withdraw and give Ireland their spot as they may be the worst team in the history of the World Cup. Paraguay qualified from South America, making them automatically really good and they should have little trouble with Slovakia (who all of a sudden decided to be good at soccer). Italy will go through as well but have no chance in hell of winning anything once they advance out of this atrocious group.

Group G: North Korea is probably the most gangsta team in the tournament and communist countries take sports very seriously. I could see them beating the shitty Portugese team but loses to Brazil and Ivory Coast are inevitable as the players will be in shock from seeing black people for the first time.

Group H: Spain is amazing and the only thing that will stop them is if Catalonia separates. I've had the misfortune of watching Switzerland play and if their plane doesn't get hijacked by terrorists on the way, they will be destroyed in all 3 games. Chile will edge out Honduras in a tight match laced with Spanish profanities.

Top 4:

Biggest Surprise:

Why aren't you here so we can give you a bratski whooping:

Hottest Fans:
Ivory Coast
North Korea

Ugliest Fans:
South Korea

The little engine that couldn't and should of stayed home:
New fuckin Zealand

The Cartel Argentina

-- Filip F.