Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The majority of Techno listeners don't like Techno

i've noticed in recent times kids who grew up on nelly and britney spears have now moved, en masse, to the likes of deadmau5 and swedish house mafia...i will explain how they actually don't like any of these artists nor their music:

1. there are some people who have always listened to techno and trance and genuinely like it...these people are typically from germany, sweden, iceland, etc (aka northern drug-saturated climates) and are usually transsexual and haven't missed making an appearance at the love parade since ' beef is not with them, they were always a small subculture which supported this genre of music...but if you grew up on hip hop or rock your musical taste cannot switch to enjoying sonar bleeps with headache-inducing drum patterns at the drop of a hat

2. there is no way vocal-less techo music can appeal to the masses...there are some techno-ish songs which even i find catchy and have listened to, for example 'memories' with kid cudi and david guetta, 'blue', and several others by daft punk...HOWEVER all these songs have vocals and are at least somewhat made in the typical song format...people like deadmau5 make purely electronic garbage without any human vocals, this sort of monotone bullshit is sooooo easy to make 95% of the idiots listening to it could make the next 'hit' if they only knew how to use fruity loops

3. people with intelligence, music taste, and money don't listen to this garbage...this is why serious music critics don't bother to review this bullshit, people over 30 tend to stop listening to it, and while josh groban sells 6 million units in 3 months, these 'DJs' struggle to sell their singles for $1.99 on beatport

5. the real reason this music is "popular" is because the majority of listeners who bump techno and trance are insecure individuals growing up in the social media age where they are told (and in turn, they re-tell) what is good via facebook feed and's also associated with the baller south beach club culture and lifestyle which 95% of the listeners (might want to, but) simply aren't living

6. this analysis is not biased because i am neither bitter, out of touch, nor clinging on to 90s music out of nostalgic reasons...i made a lot of money off a 'dance song', i even made an electro mixtape, i predicted this bullshit music would fuse with pop soon as swizz beats sampled technologic to make 'touch it' 6 years ago, i wholeheartedly support good new music from lupe fiasco to rick ross to santigold to sufjan stevens, and lastly i'll even tell you little dickriders what you will be listening to in 2011: london scene dub step! (which i was on last year)

7. if you truly enjoy listening to this type of music, while not on drugs or in a club, i feel sorry for you but at least i respect you, and i hope they blast deadmau5 at your funeral and technoviking makes an appearance...if you listen to this music because you think its cool YOU ARE GAY!